choice CHois/ noun noun: choice; plural noun: choices 1. an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities. "the choice between good and evil" synonyms: option, alternative, possible course of action "you have no other choice" a. the right or ability to make, or possibility of making, such a selection. "I had to do it, I had no choice" synonyms: selection, election, choosing, picking |
The real question isn't why should I change for anyone else - the real question is why should I change for myself? You always have to come first. I always have to come first. And when this happens, you can grow together independently. No obligations. No impossible standards. No tests or games. No hypocritical bullshit. Just two people who accept who they are, who know they can always be better, who know they can always grow into understanding and make the choices that need to be made for themselves, while also accepting that it's the same for the other person.
"I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine." - AYN RAND
pərˈspektiv/
noun
plural noun: perspectives
1. a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.
"most guidebook history is written from the editor's perspective"
synonyms: attitude, frame of mind, standpoint, interpretation, way of looking, approach, point of view
"her perspective on things had changed"
a. true understanding of the relative importance of things; a sense of proportion.
"we must keep a sense of perspective about what he's done"
- late Middle English (in the sense ‘optics’): from medieval Latin perspectiva (ars ) ‘science of optics,’ from perspect- ‘looked at closely,’ from the verb perspicere, from per- ‘through’ + specere ‘to look.’
The majority of us, including myself, look to the support of all those around us all our lives, and when the day finally comes when its time for us to "recognize our purpose", to "get out on our own", our first reaction is confusion, which then leads to stress, depression, anger, and resentment. Or maybe for some of us, I know I felt this, we're so excited at first to feel that first burst of freedom, to feel satisfied with ourselves that we finally did it - and then as soon as that first problem hits - financially (having trouble making rent, can't pay to fill that stupid oil tank that you don't think should exist in modern society, etc.) - or emotionally (your roommate bails on you last minute, your boyfriend leaves you, you leave him, you get fired, etc) - you break down and all those emotions come pile-driving right into your face, the stress, depression, anger, resentment - And then we act out against the very people we were depending on before all this happened (like they don't have problems of their own, like they aren't dealing with the same shit you are) because if you don't understand yourself and you've been living through other people all this time rather than living through yourself, then who else would you look to blame for your confusion, for your distress? Your parents, your siblings, your friends, your lover - when you should look to yourself and set the blame. Not in a bad way. Blame has such a bad connotation attached to it, when really, blame is the first step to the choice of change or the choice of acceptance. Blame is the finger that points out the problem and knowing the problem can lead you to a solution. People and society in general make it about shame, about exposing your mistakes and throwing it in your face - and it works on people who are lost, they get defensive, feel like their self-esteem is being attacked, these are the people who haven't figured out yet that everyone makes choices and everyone makes mistakes and everyone finds one way or another how to deal with it. It's what we do, you can't avoid the necessity of choice.
When faced with a multitude of life's questions, extreme or simple, how do you answer them - you answer them by calming yourself, taking a deep breath, realizing that you are alive and that this is your life - it's yours, nobody else's - and you need to think about who you are, who you need to be, and you need to find strength in yourself - dig deep if you think you don't have any - and make the choice. And know that once you make this choice, it's yours, you own it, and you accept it. Stand by it. Most importantly, remember your reasoning of why you made the choice that you did - remember how things were falling apart and there was no relationship anymore, no love, no passion - remember the details and the time you spent deliberating over what you should do, how you got to that point, did you put in every bit of effort you could and if you didn't, can you still live with that choice even though little effort was made? |