MARY JANE, MY SAVIOR
WRITTEN OCTOBER 18, 2009
WRITTEN OCTOBER 18, 2009
The smoke billows around me
I can feel the sensation
Speaking a quiet soliloquy
Leaving me silent and observant
The angry voices ring in my ears
A restless survivor of what one can hear
They tear at my insides, pushing to be free
Holding on tightly until I bleed
The smoke billows noiselessly
In a universe of its own
Calm and serene against the words outside
Hazy and smooth and terribly alone
The cylinder, held tight within my grasp
Fills with the quiet and the peace
Wisps of clouds that balance inside it
Wishing only the words would cease
The smoke has vanished quickly
Drifting through my body and soul
I can hear the words again and again
Swiftly putting the flame to the bowl
They curse at each other, the abuse is real
Verbal violence ends in vivacious victory
My hands shake at the cruelty wishing for a dream
I hurt, I scream when I find only reality
The smoke flows freely
Through my lungs and out my nose
Gradually liberating my mind
Minute by second, from my head to my toes
The sounds are blocked,
Quickly and quietly quaint
All hearing becomes selective,
The anger and pain is faint
Disregarding reality
While the bowl is packed and lit
The shame is clearly ignored
A shame not recognized from where I sit
I’ve run as far as I can
Breathing deep and fast
I let the words back in
I look back upon my past
Then I flame the bowl again
And I’m back where I belong
Afraid to see the truth
These things around me, everything is wrong
Pushing for a release
Off a deadly cliff
Falling into an angry hole
And becoming a bloody stiff
Walking through the days
Alone and rotted watching a blank wall
Though I talk and sit and walk
I am not there at all
The night blows by
Like a cloud caressing the moon
The sickness in my stomach
The cries create a somber tune
Unconscious and afraid
Of what will happen next
Where do these last words take us?
Why is it so complex?
The gloomy morning comes
As slowly as the night passed
Rolled up in my blankets, just like the joint
Rolled fat and none like it to contrast
The smoke is smooth and ruthless
Gliding ever so lightly inside
Dancing down my throat
Conquering my mind and pride
Spinning down a tunnel of darkness
This world drags me under
Controls gone, floating through
The words of anger thunder
Then the brief silence
Temporary and striking
Leaves me motionless
Ridding the words of my disliking
I walk outside into the rain
It falls without hesitation
Blazing up a cancer stick
Not fighting the temptation
My cigarette is my heaven
Each puff adding that extra high
I’ve reached my peak, I've come so far
Mary Jane, my savior, with each passing sigh.
I can feel the sensation
Speaking a quiet soliloquy
Leaving me silent and observant
The angry voices ring in my ears
A restless survivor of what one can hear
They tear at my insides, pushing to be free
Holding on tightly until I bleed
The smoke billows noiselessly
In a universe of its own
Calm and serene against the words outside
Hazy and smooth and terribly alone
The cylinder, held tight within my grasp
Fills with the quiet and the peace
Wisps of clouds that balance inside it
Wishing only the words would cease
The smoke has vanished quickly
Drifting through my body and soul
I can hear the words again and again
Swiftly putting the flame to the bowl
They curse at each other, the abuse is real
Verbal violence ends in vivacious victory
My hands shake at the cruelty wishing for a dream
I hurt, I scream when I find only reality
The smoke flows freely
Through my lungs and out my nose
Gradually liberating my mind
Minute by second, from my head to my toes
The sounds are blocked,
Quickly and quietly quaint
All hearing becomes selective,
The anger and pain is faint
Disregarding reality
While the bowl is packed and lit
The shame is clearly ignored
A shame not recognized from where I sit
I’ve run as far as I can
Breathing deep and fast
I let the words back in
I look back upon my past
Then I flame the bowl again
And I’m back where I belong
Afraid to see the truth
These things around me, everything is wrong
Pushing for a release
Off a deadly cliff
Falling into an angry hole
And becoming a bloody stiff
Walking through the days
Alone and rotted watching a blank wall
Though I talk and sit and walk
I am not there at all
The night blows by
Like a cloud caressing the moon
The sickness in my stomach
The cries create a somber tune
Unconscious and afraid
Of what will happen next
Where do these last words take us?
Why is it so complex?
The gloomy morning comes
As slowly as the night passed
Rolled up in my blankets, just like the joint
Rolled fat and none like it to contrast
The smoke is smooth and ruthless
Gliding ever so lightly inside
Dancing down my throat
Conquering my mind and pride
Spinning down a tunnel of darkness
This world drags me under
Controls gone, floating through
The words of anger thunder
Then the brief silence
Temporary and striking
Leaves me motionless
Ridding the words of my disliking
I walk outside into the rain
It falls without hesitation
Blazing up a cancer stick
Not fighting the temptation
My cigarette is my heaven
Each puff adding that extra high
I’ve reached my peak, I've come so far
Mary Jane, my savior, with each passing sigh.