I realize that my insecurities play a huge role in a lot of what goes on in my head and I know I can't blame Peter for all of them. I can only blame myself for not making myself more clear on the answers I'm looking for.
"...there’s a deeper issue embedded in your question that may be preventing you from being in a happier relationship. You need to rethink your relationship to Chill.
You say repeatedly that you try to be a Cool Girl or a Chill Girlfriend. It’s true that we live in a world where chill has become our new normal. But as you point out, it isn’t real. It isn’t something people authentically feel. Chill is what people try to project to protect themselves from being vulnerable.
Chill is a myth. And it isn’t serving you one bit.
People think chill gives them more power, when in fact the complete opposite is true. Chill tells you it’s not OK to ask for things because everything is always already fine. Therefore, when you are chill you are always at the mercy of your circumstances. Chill leaves you in a position of powerlessness and paralysis. Chill disarms you. Chill is not your friend."
-thedailydot "Swipe This"