Its been so long since I have written like this, sitting on my couch on a fine Friday evening. It brings back such reverie, the moments in my life I thought long forgotten. The nostalgia hits me like a brick to the chest. I remember my better days, and I remember my longing. I reflect on those moments that I felt lost and how a single thought changed my perspective. It was the fact that he was there, not physically, but mentally, he was a part of me and he made me feel like when I was at my complete end, that it wasn't over. As I have told this to myself several times, I know this is my own mind, of what I always viewed him to me - but isn't that amazing? I feel like he would want to know, that as much as we were not as strong in reality, his being was so very strong in my mind. And he still is today. He is always there, and I take comfort in that. I take comfort in the man I knew he was. The man he may not be today, but it doesn't matter who he is, he would never take me back any way, and the real question would always be, would I want him to? The answer is complicated and simple at the same time. I want the man I fell in love with all those years ago, he was smart and charming and he made my dull life feel fun. It wasn't about status back then, we were just trying to make it to the next day, and I would have run that road with him for the rest of my days. Probably why I can't let him go. I have some weird hope that the man I know is somewhere in there. That we'll be forty years old and he'll see who he is and who he wants to be, and I want to be the one that's there. That congratulates him on his success and then we go for a drink, knowing full well that my heart has never let him go. And that's okay, I've got this. I know in this life that I have loved so fully and so deeply than anything is possible. So thank you. Thank you, Peter, for giving me that small bit of hope. I love you. And so we have reached the end of my chapter. Good night.
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Wisdom
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