I relinquish all my power to you. And all I ask is that you try to understand the gravity of what I am offering freely. This is my end and also my beginning. I've stopped trying to pretend like I know you. I've stopped trying so hard to please some part of you that I don't understand. I'm just going to be me, and hope, at the end of all of this, whether that be your choice or our deaths, that it's enough.
Do you need certainty too? Here it is: I'm in this, for better or worse. I don't want anyone else. I never have. I've never been more clear or more understanding of my own feelings. For months, even years, I've been all over the place. Worried about what everyone around me thinks, worried about the choices I was making, not for myself, but for you or for others. This one is for me. And I am not fucking around this time. Not that I held back before, but I certainly doubted my ability to keep you, and if I can't keep you because you don't want me, then I'll wait until I can't wait anymore. It hurts, because for some reason, deep down inside, the only thing I want is a family of my own, a family I picture with you. I don't know if its some womanly hormonal thing I'm going through, and it's crazy because I would never assume that's something we could have right now, when our relationship is so fragile, but that's why I was freaking out on you (which was wrong), but its been hitting me so strong since Freya was born and I keep telling myself I'm fucking crazy and that I don't need that in my life right now...Damn, I am crazy.
Whatever. Certainty. I'm certain I want you. And I won't leave again. I'm done trying to make decisions for you, like I can control that any way. This time, you can leave. If you walk away, I'll know that it's really over; that when you stop fighting, it will only lead to me doing the same; and if no one is fighting for us, then where do we go from there?
I'll be me and if you push me away, I'll be at a close distance. If you bring me in, I'll be right at your side. I didn't always know what I meant when I told you, months ago, that this was on your terms, that you had all the control. I know now. I was right.
I love you.