Because this is what it is to be alive. To feel as deeply as I do right now. This is the purpose of my life, because I have nothing else.
I can keep feeling, I just need to do it and keep walking away at the same time. Hold onto my resolve. Should he push me, I will tell him to fuck off, but in the nicest way possible. No, I would never say that to him. I can't be mad at him for my own fucking issues. But it's a nice thought either way. I have to sate my angry side somehow. Imagery is the best possible solution.