It's time I start taking control of my own. I need to take control of my life, my wants, my needs. I need to own up to who I am and who I want to be. I need to develop the strength to be alone, so when I'm with someone, I can be exactly who I need to be when I need it. No need to lean on them, I already know how to lean on myself. No need to push them down or create impossible expectations, I already expect everything I need from myself and I can show them how to do the same. I can lift them up with me, and if they don't want to be lifted, then I can walk away without a scratch. Depend on me. Depend on who I am. My thoughts. My mind. My actions. These are the things that I can control. These define my kind of god. The power of one mind is so extraordinary, all I need to do is harness it.
Easier said then done. Sometimes a little effort puts us right on track and then that little bit of slack puts us right back into the line of fire.
"It's about disciplining your emotions, so you can make good decisions. It's about having the discipline to control your ego, so your ego doesn't get out of hand and control you."
- Jocko Willink
I'm going to own my life. Just got approved for a new apartment. First time I'll be living on my own, officially. It's scary and exciting. It's a large responsibility that is all on me, and I am half freaking out, half loving it. I need this, I want this, and yet I'm so afraid to reach out and take it. I will..because in the end, I'll figure it out. I need to. I have to. I want to. I'm also going back to school. Turning my life around faster than I expected. I'm older now - this is what I keep saying in my head, that little voice keeps telling me that because I'm older, that somehow makes a difference. It's all about self motivations, self determination - if I want it bad enough, I'll have it and no one will stand in my way.